Boys and Girls
by MrTyeDye
Summary: Lincoln has a stern discussion with Lori about her relationship with Bobby.


It was Lori's nature to meddle in Lincoln's affairs. All of his sisters did, to some extent, but as the eldest, Lori felt like it was her personal obligation. Whenever Lincoln had an eventful night planned, she had to be the first to take a look at him.

Such was the case when she saw Lincoln strutting out of his room, decked out in a white button-down shirt, a jet-black tie, and a matching blazer, complete with a pink boutonniere tucked into the pocket. It was clear that Lincoln had a date night, though she had already guessed that once she caught a whiff of dollar store cologne wafting down the hall.

Her big sister instincts kicked in, and just as he was about to descend the stairs, she dashed down the hall and intercepted him.

"Whoa, whoa, _whoa_ , Lincoln. The suit's okay, but that boutonniere is _way_ too excessive. Ronnie Anne'll think you're trying too hard. Go put it away."

Lincoln shook his head. "Sorry, Lori, I _have_ to wear this. It's part of the dress code at La Maison Rouge."

Lori gasped. "That fancy French restaurant with the fountain out front?!" she cried. "You're taking her _there_?! Geez Louise, Lincoln, that's literally a year's worth of allowance! What were you thinking?!"

"N-no, Lori, it's fine. Mom said she'll pay for everything."

Lori sighed with relief. "Oh, thank goodness. I thought you…

"…wait, you're letting _Mom_ chaperone you on your date with Ronnie Anne?" she asked, cringing at the thought. "Lincoln, she's gonna think you're lame."

"Okay, first of all, she _already_ thinks I'm lame. Second of all, I'm not even going out with her tonight."

"You WHAT?!"

Lori grabbed Lincoln by his padded shoulders and shoved him against the wall, causing all of the hall decorations to rattle from the impact. "You're CHEATING on her?! Lincoln Lionel Loud, so help me God, if you break her heart, I will _break your soul_!"

"Y-yeah, sure, got it," Lincoln squeaked. He tried to squirm out of his sister's clutches, which only provoked her to tighten her hold.

"No!" she shouted. "I'm not letting you go until you tell me _who_ you're cheating with. Now tell me her name!"

"Lori-"

" _Who is she?!_ "

"IT'S NOT A SHE!" hollered Lincoln. "It's…a he."

The rage in Lori's eyes was quickly usurped by confusion, as she released her grip and took an awkward step away from the wall.

"You're going with _Clyde_?"

"No! I'm not going with-"

Lincoln heaved out a defeated sigh before continuing. "Okay, look. I didn't want to come out and say this, but it's pretty obvious I don't have a choice. I'm going with…"

His voice dropped to a whisper. "…Hugh."

Lori let out a delighted gasp and started grinning from ear to ear. "H…H…Hugh?" she asked, the mere sound of his name causing her to shudder with pleasure.

"Yes, Hugh. Mom's taking him out to dinner as a 'thank you' for tutoring me. Now if you'll excuse me…"

Lincoln started to walk toward the stairs, but he barely had time to take a single step before he felt both of his sister's hands latch onto his ankle. He looked down to see Lori sprawled out on the hallway floor, her desperate arms coiled around his leg. "TAKE ME WITH YOU!" she shrieked. "I'LL DO ANYTHING IF YOU LET ME COME!"

" _No_ ," Lincoln said sharply. "Mom could only afford to reserve a three-person table, and she could barely afford that. It's going to be her, Hugh and me. That's _it_."

He freed his leg from Lori's grasp with a violent yank, causing his shoe to come off in the process. After muttering some mild profanities to himself, he turned around to ask for his shoe back… and was greeted with the sight of Lori on her knees, eyes to the sky, shaking her fists towards the heavens.

"NOOOOOOOOO!" she howled. "Oh, Hugh, you angelic, impeccable specimen of a man, I'd travel a thousand miles just for one more glance of those luscious ebony locks and those heavenly peridot eyes!"

Lori's soliloquy went on for a good half minute before she noticed Lincoln scowling down at her, arms crossed, tapping his shoeless foot incessantly.

"What?" she asked.

"First, give me my shoe back." He bent down, swiped his shoe off the floor and slipped it back onto his foot. "Second, _what the heck was that?!_ "

"What the heck was what?"

"Lori, it's been a week since Hugh was my tutor and you're still going totally gaga over him!"

"…so?"

"So?! So you almost bit my head off when you thought I was cheating on Ronnie Anne! What would Bobby say if he saw you like this?"

Lori groaned, picked herself up and dusted herself off. "It's not the _same_ , Lincoln," she said, in that exasperated, world-weary voice that only a teenage girl could perfect.

"Oh, it's not?" asked Lincoln. "Because it's starting to sound like a… a..."

 _What's it called again?_ , Lincoln thought. _I KNOW I've heard the term somewhere. It's on the tip of my tongue…_

"…double Sunday?"

Lori rolled her eyes. "Double _standard_ ," she corrected.

 _Dang it. So close._

"And it's _not_. Boys and girls are wired differently. When your girlfriend swoons over another guy, it's okay, because you know she's not _actually_ going to try something with him. But teenage boys are loose cannons. As soon as another girl gets his attention, he's as good as gone- so we girls just can't afford to take any chances. Understand?"

"Yeah, I think I'm getting it," said Lincoln, maintaining his acidy tone.

"Good. So-"

"You're saying that you don't trust Bobby."

"What?! No!…I'm just saying that _in general_ , boys can't be trusted."

"But Bobby can?"

"Yeah."

Lincoln started rubbing his chin. "So, hypothetically, if you saw Bobby gushing over Ms. DiMartino, would you-"

"What?!" cried Lori. "Bobby would _never_ do such a thing! And if he did, I would…I…uh…"

Lori's rant petered out halfway through when she caught sight of Lincoln's disapproving glare.

"I'm not helping my case, am I?"

"No. You're really not."

Lori heaved out another groan. "Lincoln, this kind of thing is complicated, all right? You don't get it yet because you're still a kid. It'll make sense when you're older."

"Uh-huh," replied Lincoln. "Hey, Lori, how old is Bobby, exactly?"

"Eighteen years, three months and nine days," Lori said, without having to give the question a second of thought.

"Would you say that _he's_ old enough to understand this kind of thing?"

"I would expect nothing less."

"Mmm-hmm. So if you told him all about your feelings for Hugh, he'd be okay with that?"

"Irrelevant," Lori snapped. "He doesn't have to know, and I'm not going to tell him."

"I know you're not," said Lincoln, as he took out his phone and started flipping through his apps. "But maybe _I_ should tell him."

"Go ahead and try it, twerp," Lori said with a sneer. "It's my word against yours."

With an even bigger sneer, Lincoln opened the camera app on his phone and shoved the screen in Lori's face. "No, it's _your_ word against yours."

He then tapped the screen, and a full recording of Lori's love-lorn soliloquy for Hugh started playing. Lori gasped with horror as she saw the moment play out before her eyes.

 _"_ _Oh, Hugh, you angelic, impeccable specimen of a man, I'd travel a thousand miles just for one more glance of those luscious ebony locks and those heavenly peridot eyes!"_

At this point, all Lori could do was sputter and fume like a malfunctioning heater. "Wha… guh… you… you little…" she seethed, as her teeth gnashed together, her cheeks turned bright red and her hands balled into white-knuckled fists.

While Lori was still boiling over, Lincoln made a mad dash for his room. She took off in a sprint after him, but it was too late; he slipped into his room, slammed the door behind him, and locked it just as Lori was reaching the end of the hall.

"YOU DELETE THAT VIDEO THIS INSTANT, YOU LITTLE GREMLIN!" Lori bellowed, pounding on his door.

"No!" Lincoln shouted back.

"I will break down this door if I have to!" she yelled, punctuating every other word with a rap on the door. "Delete that video or face the consequences!"

"Why?!" Lincoln demanded. "So you can keep fawning over Hugh behind Bobby's back?!"

"Lincoln, I am _literally_ not in the mood for this! I am _seconds_ away from marching Leni over here and making her pick the-"

*click*

Lori stopped herself once she heard the sound of Lincoln's door unlocking. A moment later, he opened the door, took his phone back out and held the screen up to Lori's eyes. This time, it displayed a romantic selfie that she and Bobby took on one of their earliest dates at an Italian restaurant. The two of them were seated across from each other at a satin-draped table for two, complete with a candlelight in the center.

"Look at this man, Lori," implored Lincoln. "Look into the eyes of the man you call your own. The love of your life. The father of your future children."

And just like that, Lori's rage began to evaporate. The longer she held her eyes on that picture, the softer her expression became.

"If he could see you right now, taking him for granted and betraying his trust… what would he say?"

Lori took the phone from Lincoln and held it closer to her face, taking in every pixel. She could still remember every detail from that date, from the sound of the violin quartet fiddling away in the background, to the incessant garlic smell that lingered long after they left, to the weird way Bobby tried to pronounce bruschetta ("brush-ketta?").

Tears welled up in Lori's eyes as all the memories came rushing back. "Bobby…boo-boo…bear…"

Lincoln, sensing that his monologue may have worked a little _too_ well, tentatively plucked his phone out of Lori's hand and put it back in his pocket.

"Lori, I-"

Before he could even begin his sentence, Lori collapsed onto her knees and started bawling like an infant.

"I'M SORRRRRRYYYYYYYY!" she wailed. "Oh, Bobby, how could I have been so heartless?! PLEASE FORGIVE MEEEEEE!"

Lincoln, taken aback by Lori's sudden outburst, struggled to find a way to console her.

"L-Lori, it's… it's okay."

"NO IT'S NOT!" bawled Lori. "Bobby's my one true love and I… and I… WAAAAHHHHH!"

Lincoln rolled his eyes, walked up to his sister and grabbed her by the shoulders.

"Lori, _please_. I know you feel bad about this, but it really isn't a big deal. Everyone makes mistakes. You're not heartless."

Lori stopped sobbing and stared back at her little brother through her reddened, swollen eyes. At least he had her attention now.

"But I can't talk to you when you're like this," said Lincoln. "I'm willing to sort this out with you, but first I need you to calm down. Can you do that?"

She nodded.

"Good," Lincoln said, releasing her shoulders and gently taking her hands in his. "So just take a deep breath…"

He inhaled deeply through his nose, letting the air expand his diaphragm.

"...and let it out," he sighed, exhaling as he spoke the second part.

"Just like that, Lori. Breathe in… and breathe out. Breathe in… and breathe out."

Lori complied; her breaths started out erratic and shaky, but each one was smoother and calmer than the last. After the sixth repetition, the trembling in her breath was completely gone.

"Okay, I'm ready," she said. "Let's talk."

Lincoln walked her into his room, hopped up onto his bed and patted the space next to him, offering her a seat. Lori accepted his offer and plopped herself down by his side. For about half a minute, the two sat there in silence: Lori staring down at the floor with her hands folded in her lap, and Lincoln looking over at her expectantly. Finally, Lori spoke up.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I _was_ being a hypocrite, and I shouldn't have tried to pretend that I wasn't. It's just… sometimes I get so insecure, looking at the two of us. I mean, he's strong and handsome and sweet and what am _I_?"

Lincoln put his arm around Lori's shoulder and drew her in closer. "You know, Lori, Bobby and I have gotten pretty close in the past few months. We don't hang out _all_ the time- not since the fair incident, anyway- but we still have some one-on-one bro time together."

"Lincoln, I _know_ this, and I've told you that I'm okay with it. Why are you bringing it up?"

"Because when you're not around, he talks about you the exact same way you talk about him."

Lori's eyebrows jumped. "He does?"

"Yeah, no fooling. He's always gushing about how wonderful you are and how lucky he is to have you. Sometimes he says that he's afraid you'll leave him for someone better."

"Lincoln, I…"

The floodgates in Lori's eyes began to open up again. "…I don't even know what to say. I literally had no idea he felt that way."

Lincoln gave her a couple of firm pats on the back. "See? Boys and girls aren't so different, after all."

Lori smiled and wiped a couple of freshly-formed tears from her eyes. "I guess we're not."

Her smile widened as she reached out towards Lincoln for a hug. Then, it promptly disappeared when she saw Lincoln scoot away from her.

"Lori, I want you to make a promise to me," he said, giving her a stern look. "You have to promise that you'll hold Bobby to the same standards that you hold yourself to. If you don't want him fawning over other girls, that's okay, but it means that _you_ have to stop fawning over Hugh."

He held his hand out towards her, extending his pinky. "Promise?"

Lori regained her smile, thrust her hand forward and locked her pinky with his. "Promise."

"Okay, _now_ we can hug it out."

The two Louds leaned forward and embraced. Lori savored the moment, squeezing her little brother like a teddy bear and letting her tears fall down his back. At no point this evening did she ever suspect that her argument about Lincoln's date would end this way.

 _Oh, dang it, I forgot about Lincoln's date!_

She hastily released the hug and backed off. "I think that's enough," she said. "I don't want to waste any more of your time. Have fun at your date!"

Lincoln just let himself fall back onto his bed and tucked his hands behind his head. "No, that's all right, Lori. I think I'm staying in tonight."

Lori gave him a peculiar look. "But… what about your dinner with Hugh?"

"Oh, that? I made that up."

He sat up and looked back at Lori with a mischievous twinkle in his eye. "Did you _really_ think that Mom was going to take me to La Maison Rouge?"

"I… what? But you- but he- but we-"

Lori paused and took a deep breath, massaging her temples. "Okay, let me get this straight. You got all dressed up in your best suit and made up this whole story about having dinner with Hugh, _just_ to teach me a lesson about trust?"

"Yeah, pretty much," said Lincoln. "You're, um…"

His forehead wrinkled with concern. "You're not mad, are you?"

"Actually, I'm pretty impressed," she said. She walked over to Lincoln's bedside and started ruffling his hair. "Well played, little bro."

"Thanks, I try," Lincoln said with a chuckle. "And by the way…"

He reached over towards his desk and grabbed a couple of Wii U controllers. "…since we both have nowhere to go tonight, want to go downstairs and get your game on?"

Lori swiped one of the controllers out of Lincoln's hand and put it under her arm. "I'd like that."

With that, the two of them strutted out of Lincoln's room, arm-in-arm, ready for a Friday night of vegging out.

"Smash Bros?"

"You know it, sister."


End file.
